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Monday
Oct272014

Jared Ewy's 2014 Midterm Voter Guide

I'll just dive right in because if you live in a swing state like Colorado you've heard enough. Now to be as succinct as possible in trying to make you think and act like I do.

Senator - Udall.

Yes, Udall. Gardner has been part of the most pointless Congress in history. Yes, the Congress that voted over 50 times to get rid of Obamacare and spent billions of taxpayer dollars shutting down the government. Yes, that Congress. Udall, while part of a weakass one-issue campaign, has demonstrated to me that he's still focused on getting things done and not on your typical sociopathic quest to keep oneself elected. Gardner's one big advantage? He hasn't made many gaffes. But you wouldn't have either if you hadn't done anything.

Representative - (this will vary on your district but for D1) DegetteI will crush you with my brain.

You know #heforshe? Degette should sponsor #sheforhe to show the men in DC how to get things done. (pictured at right)

Governor - Hick.

This guy has pissed off as many liberals as he has conservatives. Now that's balance. Beauprez is about as seasoned as a bologna sandwich.

Secretary of State - Neguse

Here's a guy who actually cares about people being able to vote. Unfortunately, that hasn't been a huge priority of the many ethically challenged SOS of late. I didn't say Scott Gessler by name.

Treasurer - Markey

The current treasurer, Walker Stapleton, has about 1/4 of the experience of Markey, but he is a member of the Bush family and once got a DUI. So, yes, one day he'll be president. (And Markey, a Democrat, should be a Republican dream: she's been a successful small business owner, torched expectations as an executive AND saved the GOP from having Marilyn Musgrave tromping around their ranks.)

Attorney General - ??

I don't know much about any of the three candidates. The Denver Post said they like Don Quick, but after they Just not a fan of this facial hair.endorsed Gardner for Senate it's hard to know if they're sober. Cynthia Coffman is married to Colo Congressional Rep Mike Coffman, and he's a bit of a turd, imo. David K. Williams, a Libertarian, has a pretty terrible goatee.

 

 

 State Rep, District 3 - Kagan

Kagan hasn't done much to light up the night sky, but he's been practical in tightening up marijuana laws andBenge. encouraging police training, for example. Candice Benge has very little experience and seems to be a shill for the construction industry and/or vying for a job on Fox News. But she looks cool and I'd love to be her friend.

 

Amendment 67 (personhood) - NO. God no.

These soulless twerps know this won't win, but seem to only have it on the ballot (for what...the 3rd time?) to get the pro-choice lobby to spend a ton of money. And it's working. I'll just add that that if you're against abortion, then don't have one. But beyond the bumper sticker politics, how about you pack up your creepy fetus death sign, stop yelling at teenagers outside the clinic and do what really should be done: support alternatives to abortion and put forth whatever's left of your heart to educate and encourage the kids who are already here. Then maybe one day your guidance will keep them from getting knocked up at 12.

Amendment 68 - Nope.

This really has boiled down to a casino that wants to be here versus those that are already here. They're battling it out with ads of teachers pleading for new revenue and that raspy voiced lady saying dire things about creepy out-of-state casinos. Personally, I'm not a fan of horse racing and casino buffets are always overrated. Also, I'd like it much better if schools were funded because people wanted to avoid the terrible cost of ignorance (something that could lead to poor gambling decisions.)

Prop 104 - No.

Lately anytime you open a meeting to the public you get idiots dressed like Hitler shouting dumb comparisons to Nazi Germany.

Prop 105 - Yes.

I don't want to say that anytime Monsanto, Pepsi and Kraft Foods doesn't want me to vote for something I will, but yes. They make so much money off our well-fed heinies that the least they should do is let us know what we're eating. I know, it's only in Colorado and bla bla bla but I'll defer you to Bill Nye the Science Guy for a more convincing argument.

 

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