Somehow it's only day 2

I'd like to take much of the blame for Sarah's absence seeming much, much longer. I get giddy, and as soon as she was on the plane, the boys and I hit the town. We went to a sports bar to watch the Bronco game, then we went to a park, and then Ikea. We even got pulled over for having a headlight out. Of all the things Remember, police officers help people. Your father just needs help.we did, and money I spent, the police officer asking daddy questions is still the biggest story. But that was just Sunday night. I woke up the next day thinking we'd already knocked out a big chunk of the week. No, it just felt that way, and now it's only Tuesday and the boys are so tired that there's been some emotional issues.

The first full day was another big, sprawling achievement. I dropped them off at both of their schools, went to work, then to my school, then picked them up before taking them back to my work, all of which included the heightened bickering of two senile old men in the back of the car.

Otto: So I'm going to have a party at Chuck E. Cheese and there will be 100 games and pizza...

Quin: Yah, I'm going to have a robot party and--

Otto: STOP IT I WAS TALKING YOU CAN'T TALK I WAS TALKING

Dad guy: Boys....

Otto: BEFORE YOU WERE TALKING SO I'M TALKING AND YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FRIEND

Dad guy: Otto...you've been talking so it's Quin's turn.

Quin: IT'S MY TURN OTTO DAD SAID SO I'M GOING TO HAVE A ROBOT PARTY AND BUILD C3PO AND R2D2 AND HAVE ROBOTS AT MY

Otto: KELLEN IS MY BEST FRIEND, MERRICK IS MY BEST FRIEND

Quin: ROBOT PARTY AND YOU'RE NOT INVITED OTTO

Otto: AT CHUCKIE CHEESE!

Quin: A MILLION HAS SIX ZEROES!

Otto: I'M TALKING!

Can I add here that I'm someone who since the 80s has been concerned about global warming. It's really haunted me and I think we need to do something. I'm disclaiming that now because my lifestyle doesn't reflect it. We live in Englewood, Sarah works in Lakewood, I work in Denver and our kids go to school in Littleton. My Subaru Forester boxes its way around town with the efficiency of a coal train, and this specific one has a leak in the exhaust, which is why I have to leave the doors open when I warm it up. And this morning I was half tempted to pull it into the garage put us all down.

Today featured the most tantrums I've ever experienced in one day. Many of them the children. Here they are, titled by the first really dumb and unhelpful observation I made during each one.

1. "Otto, I don't think screaming will bring us any more grapes."
2. "Then you should tie your shoes yourself."
3. "All I did was offer to help you with your bow tie."
4. "It would have been a good idea to tell me that before we left the house."
5. "I think you're hungry."

To look good even when the world doesn't understand you.The bow tie (or "tie bow" as Quin calls it) has been a major issue. Quin needs help, but doesn't want help, until it's clear it's mostly mental help. So with the shrieking, pantless madman crawling around the house and shouting mean things about his father, I did my best to comfort Otto, who'd tried to hug is ailing brother and was punched instead. And it just kept spiraling. Otto needed a sack lunch, so Quin wanted one too...as we pulled up to his school. Which, as I've stated before, IS IN A DIFFERENT FRICKEN CITY, SON! So I managed to carry the boys into Quin's school, and just outside of his classroom (which was already in session...and today's kindergarten isn't like my kindergarten where you napped and ate graham crackers...it's the real deal where the teacher will even scold the father of one of her students for not following protocol) we sat and practiced meditational breathing: "Smell the flower, blow out the candle." Or at least I did while Otto stared into space and Quin waited for me to open the door.

Tonight, after work and lots of traffic and a bout of nausea, I barely made it home. I picked up Quin and he charmed me into a grinning oblivion as he shared how his teacher didn't say anything about the bow tie, but "she looked at me and smiled which means I'm good looking." I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned to him that I had a relationship with a teacher and it has kind of messed me up to this day.

Otto's school is always a tiny bit more fun (no teacher has ever scolded me there) as I have a tradition of giving all the kids high fives. I did that and then he showed me his paper airplane, something like a wad of newspaper, and how it could fly. Wonderful. And then it was early to bed after we cleaned out most of the leftovers in the fridge.

Watching the iPad from the bathtub has been wonderful for all of us.This morning I dropped off the boys, and as I left Otto's school, I thought about all I had to do, and how I didn't have time to complete any of it. It began to weigh on me pretty heavy. But as I walked to the car I was taken by the blinking "School Zone" light. It's rhythmic and uniform and predictable and it reminds us to slow down. When I got closer I saw it wasn't actually one light, but about fifty little lights all working together. And then I remembered, oh, that's how that's done.

Quin has been very proud of his bow tie, but Otto's reactions have varied.

But this is the kind of thing we've been sending to mom.

Everything is good! Have fun in California!