cell phone dead
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 at 05:21AM I’ve canceled my cell phone service. For years I thought it impossible, but now I’m on the other side of my lengthy conversation with Keri, and am finding life to be rather pleasant. Keri, by the way, is an employee at T-Mobile. When I called to cancel, a rather bored sounding customer service guy said, “You want to end your relationship with us? Let me put you through to Keri.” First of all, I didn’t even know I was in a relationship, and secondly, it’s not fair to bring up intimacy and then send me to Keri, a perky gal who I’m guessing puts a big heart-shaped dot over her “I”.
Immediately, the playful customer service Ninja was concerned about “us” and wondered how it could be that I would want to break it off. She worked her verbal pole dance and I felt like I was selfishly smashing the heart of a sexy, happy-go-lucky gal who only required about 1000 minutes a month. It took me a half an hour to convince her I was convinced, but by then I wasn't so sure. With my phone records on the screen in front of her, she gushed at how popular I must be and wondered aloud at how someone like her would ever be able to get a hold of me. By this time, Sarah, hearing me struggle, sat down to watch the show. She’d doubted I had the strength to let go of my cellular woobie.
I’d wanted to get rid of it because of an increasing amount of neurosurgeons warning of brain tumors. Sure, I could use my hands-free device, but I’ve never been more dangerous driving than when I’m trying to untangle it from the parking brake. And, secondly, I often found myself mindlessly thumbing through my directory looking for someone to call. Often I’d reach Lori2 when I meant to dial LoriDenver, and it’s just wrong asking someone who can’t have kids how their son is doing. The situation was getting sad. To Keri, none of my reasons were good enough to leave her, so I made up a story about getting a new job with a new phone. She knew I was lying, but breakups aren’t supposed to be pretty. Although I do have ninety days to change my mind, and if I’m too forlorn, I can always try and cancel my cable.
ewy
Ten minutes in...
As I pulled my bike into the plastics warehouse Jim shouted, "What's the matter with your phone?"
I blew some sweat off my upper lip and heaved in the air necessary to ask "why?"
"I've tried calling you seven times! We don't need you today!"
Positive note: I wouldn't have gotten that nice bike ride.
Reader Comments (3)