A Warm Feeling in the Shower: A Renovation Update

It was last night and I was in the shower doing dishes when I was overcome by a glowing optimism.  We will get through this renovation.  We are so close to being done.  Sure, there are people in Mogadishu dodging bullets and eating sand and I'm agonizing over my dysfunctional ice maker, but there's a good chance if you're reading this you're enjoying very near the same creature comforts as myself.  My advantage, and why I grinned while stomping egg noodles through the basement shower drain, is that this project has allowed me to meet a most colorful cast of characters.  That brings me to why I was in scrubbing a pan with Sarah's exfoliant; Jorge had prepared all the new upstairs plumbing for inspection, so for about the tenth time we moved our family to a different part of our old, brick home.  (For some time during her maternity leave Sarah lived like the Unabomber in a small corner in the basement.  I'd come home to find her, the baby and Paco all curled up amongst empty Gatorade bottles, dirty diapers and a breastpump that, and this is where I got a little concerned, my wife insisted was talking to her.) 

But there's a little more light now, and I first have to thank Jorge.  He's the plumber who replaced Sergio, a man who I threatened to deport after SEVEN TIMES he led a failed effort to pass the natural gas inspection.  (Yes, passing gas is nice).  Jorge gets extra bones because he managed to allay the angry Swedish plumber who showed up when he wasn't supposed to.  The Swedes run together in the construction biz.  But while our general contractor has ruddy cheeks and the disposition of a giant, blonde Happy Smurf, the plumber is consistently pissed.  Not only that, he also has the longest nostrils I have ever seen.  Not that you need a clear shot to comprehend the size of his breathing holes, but when I see him he's in our basement looking up at pipes.  With a lack of photo evidence I'll illustrate the actual size with my keyboard.  00000000000000  No kidding.  That is the length of just one.  I could add another layer and a half for width. 

You'd think with all the oxygen he'd be high or happy, but he must get frustrated with the dust bunnies because I've dubbed him "Grumpy Longnostril". 

Anyway, the giddy Swede forgot to call Grumpy to tell him that he wasn't needed because Jorge was cheaper and going to take care of the inspection.  The two showed up at the same time.  I did not know this until yesterday, but Jorge won second place in the Mexican National Karate championships.  He took first in the Chihuahua State Finals.  He didn't have to use his skill, but his confidence in the verbal confrontation gave way to the extra information on his bio.   He even kind of looks like Ralph Macchio.  I told him that, but after a brief struggle with the reference, the whole thing was dropped.

Quick note:  Jorge's son was hanging out and bored so I gave him a copy of The Invention of Hugo Cabret.  It's a very cool book that looks as long as a Harry Potter, but is mostly pictures.  I'm a third of the way through it.

Rick the TMI Guy is still doing some of the work.  He's here right now telling me how his credit cards are maxed but he still was able to find enough money to do some shopping. 

Soon he may have even less money as I've asked that he NOT do the bathroom tile.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Mexicans DID NOT steal any of his stuff.  But one Mexican guy, who I've dubbed El Gargoyle for his large and frightening face, did get a touche on the TMI Guy.  While remudding the work release guys' drywall job, he paraphrased a question.  "White guy?" he asked.   I said, "yes," thinking he was referring to me.  He cleared things up with, "the work.  White guy?"

"Oh yes," I confirmed that the previous work had been done by a white guy.  

"No, no," he admonished me.  "Only Mexican."

Indeed.  I left but to pee and came back to a finished project.  They're like renovation magicians.   

I'm afraid they can hear my thoughts. 

Comments

[- J]

"It was last night and I was in the shower doing dishes when I was overcome by a glowing optimism."

I love how you throw that in and wiz by it quickly as if to try and get one past us, "in the shower doing dishes..."

Brilliant writing! Keep it up.

[VFE]

HA! Tell this to the rednecks in pensacola complaining about the sudden influx of illegal mexicans coming to pensacola and taking their construction jobs.
Yes, they may steal those jobs because they work for less, but they do a better job, too.