If I would have gone hiking I would have lost weight and gained something better to write about

The Broncos got killed today. Good news is that they're not bad enough to be anything but first in a division of worsts. You know the standards have been lowered when you're still number one after losing by three touchdowns to a team that hasn't scored since Sarah Palin was cool.

I'm not sure the connection, but the Broncos always lose, and ugly, when my in-laws are in town.  They need only mention the game and the Broncos will set new records for lousy.  I see myself in some parable about the futility of televised corporate entertainment versus family time.

Today I question why I even watch.  I asked my friend Brian how many times he's figured he's sworn he'll never watch them again.  He replied, "About as many as I've said the same thing about drinking." And then we realized the two were related.

I'm not just fed up with the Broncos.  Watching football altogether is a kind of dumbing down experience that has me wondering if I'm even supposed to be watching at all.  Do I really want to be lumped with an advertising demographic so dumb the Cialis commericals warn the pill "does not protect against STDs"? If anything, your penis not working is your best protection.  The sincere, middle-aged man with the pleasant eyes doesn't tell you that when he shares with you his concern about the side effects.  (I like the new way of communicating the nasty bi-products of pharmaceuticals.  It used to be a serious announcer warning of swollen teeth and bleeding palms, but now it's some dude talking like he's reading you a love poem.)

And maybe, just maybe, you can't get it up because your idea of getting it on is sitting in separate bathtubs.

Then again I might need the pill because I don't at all get off on any of the other commercials.  I remember when you wanted a truck with a working heater and room for keg, now a vehicle needs to dodge a giant metronome.  Doesn't do it for me.  Just makes me sad someone wasted valuable resources on a six-story pendulum.

And then tonight I rooted for Peyton Manning.  I'm sorry to all decent, thinking people.  I feel I had to because the Colts beating the Chargers means the Broncos will have a better chance at the playoffs. I don't know why I'd want my team to advance to the post-season only to be slaughtered. It's like encouraging your child to walk...into traffic.