Evil Brain

If I had my choice I'd dream about naked women and pizza.  But, alas, I think my brain hates me.  Of course that's understandable since I've spent many a waking hour culling it's precious herd of cells.  And I think day after day of surfing the Internet isn't quite the food it needs.   So to get back at my poor conscious decisons, my brain waits until I'm sleeping and screws with my head. 

For example I leapt out of bed at 3:30 this morning and have not slept since.  Why?  My pissed off brain sent me back to high school.  I was in a familiar place, on the bench of junior varsity basketball game.  I truly was a perenniel bench-sitter, but last night was especially painful because I was 31 and wearing my high school uniform.  I was sitting amongst a bunch of middle schoolers and begging the coach to let me in the game.  It sucked being all grown up and not getting to play.  The coach--my actual high school roundball skipper, Steve Beck--finally relented. 

My brain turned up the torture.  When I was on the bench the guys on the floor were little and white.  But when I got out there they were very tall, muscular and black.  The first thing I did was give up my dribble at half court.  Stuck with nowhere to go one of the guys towered over me and invited the whole arena to join in the fun of teasing me.  While he waved on the jeering fans I leapt into his outstretched arms and drew a foul.  I was rewarded three foul shots.  The ref threw me the ball which turned out to be one of those real old ones that are all smooth and beaten to a slippery shine.  I could barely get my little hands to grip it and did all I could to get it near the backboard.  I missed the first two badly.  One guy on my team said I needed to work on my free throws.  Well that ticked me off and I said "I've only missed two!"  I had to prove something with my third.  I gave it all I had and the ball sailed over the goal and into a dark abyss.

And it just got worse from there.  The little, white guys joined the tall, black guys and they all were svelte and pretty.  I was sweaty with tufts of shoulder hair escaping my jersey.  Panicked and angry I yelled at the coach to put me back on the bench.  And then I double dribbled and everybody laughed....

Well, anyway, my point is that my brain thinks I'm an a-hole.  Well I have a tit for its tat.  Tonight I'm drinking.   

Bye-bye bitter little cells!   

Comments

[John Clam]

Jared,

I say you should teach that brain of yours a lesson with "The Ewy Boilermaker".......
Bushmills and PBR's. Hold the hail, please.

[bd_eyes]

at least he admits to waste,... I mean spending time on the internet sufing day after day. that's a start!