Homosexuals Spotted in Tennessee

Two of them.  They were at an IHOP.  Maybe because it's an "international" place, like international waters and gay people can find refuge like a diplomat might get immunity.  Anyway, after rolling in Knoxville late, Sarah and I at first were thrilled to see the warm glow of the Howard Johnson sign above Interstate 75.  But this is no ordinary HoJo.  Maybe before they stopped cleaning it in the 1970's it was all the rage for visiting dignitaries and professional wrestlers, but the vacuums have all been sold to pay for more cigarettes.  More cigarettes!  These people smoke a lot.  I think there must be a travel agency somewhere that sells smoking vacations and this hotel is the hottest destination.  There are ashtrays everywhere.  There are smokers everywhere.  Our non-smoking room could be called the "Dirty Lung."  It's warm, it's crunchy and it smells like the Elk's Club and that's what I've always imagined it would be like living in a Kieth Richards' alveoli.  It does have cable though.  

Having your employees and guests hitting the tobacco hard really is a good idea.  Not only does it help the local economy but you dull your senses to the thirty years of body odor mildewed to the fake plants and Tenessee Volunteer Orange drapes.  It also gives the ambience a smoky essence.   The whole place smells like burped barbecue. 

So after trying to touch as little as possible before we went to get a late-night bite, Sarah and I settled in with the drunks at the pancake house.  It was there where we saw all too clearly the kitchen.  Two guys who I swear I'd seen running topless on Cops were yelling at each other and flipping flapjacks.  I turned away to shield Sarah from the cooking carnies  because I was so hungry I didn't care if Jeffrey Dahmer prepared our meal but wasn't so sure if she was as willing to put her life in the hands of two men whose diet had left them toothless at thirty.   But still it was one more shot to a weakened, jet lagged soul.  We both needed something to encourage us in this foreign land called The South.  And there they were, sitting at a table for two, one looking Mediterranean and slightly like the 'star' from Entourage, and the other, slight like a wine flute, had his head cradled in his interlocked fingers and feet not planted firmly on the floor but crossed like he was a giddy next performer at the county pageant.   I glanced at the young couple--Mark Foley's wet dream--and glanced back at Sarah.   The gays were a beacon of cross-cultural acceptance, of tolerance, and a sign that maybe there'd be a Crate and Barrel nearby.  We were safe.   I drank to the young beauties, tipping my coffee, leaving my pinky extended as a grateful salute. 

Michigan Radio Star Owes me 20 Bucks

So somewhere on this blog Dan Kelley, legend of Farmington, NM radio and now ruling the airwaves of Lansing, MI (and I don't say that facetiously as he's good at what he does,) suggested I see Stephen Tobowlosky's Birthday Party.   I remembered Dan being pretty smart and cultured so leapt at the opportunity to buy the movie.  And now in retrospect I'm thinking that he might have seemed really smart and cultured because we were in Farmington, NM.  STBP starts all well and good.  It's even funny.  You really grow to like the man who's played bigots, snobs, evil accountants and any kind of nefarious character imaginable because he looks like the way we want bad people to look, elitist and smug but gangly and ugly.  Kind of like Gargamel.  Stephen Tobowlosky is what you hope the guy who recklessly cuts you off in traffic looks like.  I don't know why, but it's a driver's instinct to drive even more recklessly to catch up and see what the person looks like who nearly took off your bumper and several years of your life.  That person never looks as evil as you want them too.  And then Stephen himself ruins his own Hollywood caricature by showing up in STBP as a warm, friendly and funny storyteller.  The first thirty minutes are funny and touching.  Here's this guy who you thought you knew as the nobody bad guy next to Mel and Goldie in Bird on a Wire, annoying Bill Murray in Groundhog Day and briefly but memorably appearing in every TV show ever made (Desperate Housewives and CSI: insert infamous city here to name a few,) and he's tooling around his kitchen telling you how he once could have been Ronald McDonald.  Things are good.  But then his friends show up.  And after they sing Happy Birthday they all sit in a half circle around Stephen the storyteller and act like they're a paid audience at a Ronco exhibit.   Apparently Stephen's most famous pal is Mena Suvari.  We get plenty of cutaway shots of her laughing and looking astonished at Mr. T's crazy adventures.  (ala shot of woman in crowd reacting to Ron Popillo exclaiming "and browning  Cornish Hen shouldn't be this easy!!")   But things are still pretty good with Stephen's birthday party.  His acid trip story is a riot.  But even the best host can have a little too much to drink.  And that's where the party goes downhill.  Towblowsky starts talking about death and his friend with tumors and that would be fine but he starts to toast after every story.  And not a friendly "Slancha!" but more like a self-aggrandizing Best Man droning on and killing the reception with his philosophy on life and marriage.  Another thirty minutes pass and Towblowsky's studio audience is down to his long-suffering wife (that's conjecture, yes, but how many times has she had to hear these stories?) and a few friends and they're sitting outside in candlelight which makes it look like his head is severed and levitating but still talking.  And he finishes on a pretty weak note about fire burning and you're just happy he's done.   If they'd just cut this down to thirty minutes it would be great.  Maybe have four actors do thirty minutes each.  After Towblowsky have Dennis Hopper share an acid anecdote and then Drew Barrymore and Robert Downey, Jr and maybe have James Lipton on hand to moderate conversation and Stephen's drinking.  

So, Dan, not an awful recommendation but for some reason I had such faith in your judgement I actually bought  a copy of the movie.  I'll just Netflix your next suggestion.

Report from my Friend who Beats things with a Sledge Hammer

My friend, Brian, gave up his newspaper/radio career to work on the railroad.  He spends the day beating rails, ties, spikes and for food, small animals.  It's the life he's chosen.   One too many stories of the local centenarian or cat fashion show put him over the edge.  He wore overalls already so he could hardly ignore the calling.  But he called to offer this new product:  1 800 FREE 411.  It's a free dial-up directory.  I had no idea the track maintenance crew kept the pulse of new and innovative products, but I'll be sure to share whatever exciting things he discovers.

The Distance it took me to eat two Whopper Juniors w/ Cheese

Maps

	Start S Monaco St & E Hampden Ave Denver, CO 80237 End Happy Canyon Rd & US-285 Denver, CO 80237 Travel 1.0 mi (about 1 min)

©2006 Google - Map data ©2006 NAVTEQ™ - Terms of Use

Map

Satellite

Hybrid

1000 ft

200 m

Slacking?

I just read that recently retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O' Connor said her life would have been much easier had she just said 'no' more often.  Aside from being disquieted that one of the most powerful judges in all the land is saying 'yes' to everything ("Hey, judge, do you think it'd be OK if we blighted this new children's hospital for an even newer K-Mart?",) I really think her restropect offers valuable insight.  Because if you keep saying 'yes' to everything then at some point you'll be viewed as slacking on something.  So I'm working hard on trying to figure out how to build web pages but I've dropped the ball on my blog.  To the three people who read this everyday I'm a slacker.   But really I'm stuck trying to figure out the Dreamweaver web building application all by myself.   I did, however, manage to build a few pages.  I was excited about my accomplishment until I shared them with some web developers.  These are the kind of computer experts who use their Blackberry to build entire websites on their on their way to work.  They were shocked.  You know that kind of shock when you're a kid shopping with your mom and you look up expecting to see your mom but it's some other lady with the same pants?  Well the developers had expected something else and had a hard time disguising their disappointment.  It was a tough meeting and my mom was nowhere to be found.   So after taking that hit to my self-esteem I've decided to back to my old ways and slack more at work.  Then no one will get their expectations too high.  I'm learning Flash animation as well.  I can't wait to share with the developers my work with the company logo.  After a month's work I've made it fly.

Enclosure

On Hold. A Haiku

On hold I hear

saxophones blare "One More Night." 

Kenny G is Satan.