Guys Club Gets a Photographer

let's face it...there are a lot of things that don't get done until mom gets home
 

Kung Fu Panda $$$$

Every story is Star Wars. They all have a "chose one" and a wise, old teacher. Lord of the Rings is Star Wars. So is Tuesday's with Morrie. Kung Fu Panda is the lighter side of the whole light and dark side thing. It takes place in a land far, far away--China. Jack Black plays Po, a Panda with an obsession for Kung Fu, and a severe case of the munchies. He's the surprising (and disappointing) choice as the one and only Dragon Master. How will an overweight bear protect his village from the most dangerous Kung Fu fighter ever? He'll do what a lot of people in America can do these days, turn his flab into a deadly weapon (and I don't mean heart disease.)

Kung Fu Panda is stacked with stars. The legendary Kung Fu Five are Angelina Jolie as Tigress and Jackie Chan, Monkey. You might think I'm forgetting article words but I'm not. Seth Rogan is Mantis, Lucy Liu, Viper, and David Cross is Crane. Dustin Hoffman is the little Yoda/Furby mutt that trains Po. And to be honest, this movie doesn't need any of them. Ok, maybe Hoffman. I don't mean to disrespect any of the amazing talent casted for this blockbuster animation, but Jack Black is all you need. The rest of the cast could be pulled from a high school drama club. Or what about the cast of Fame? I'm sure they could use a gig.

Once a good Kung Fu master gone (Tai Lung voiced by Ian McShane) bad (hmmm...Darth Vader anyone?) escapes from prison, Dustin Hoffman's Yoda/Furby must figure out how to train Po to fight him. This is where I'm not sure if the message is a little dangerous or not. Sure Po keeps trying until he succeeds, that's good for kids, but he's only motivated by food. I went to the concessions and thought about this and figured it's a moot point. Kung Fu Panda is good, but doesn't have the lasting greatness of a Shrek or Nemo.

Beware: Of your arm-flinging Ninja child.

Who Will Like This: Jack, my Showbiz Scene Kid Korrespondant, gave it 9 out of 10 black belts.

Secret to Better Enjoyment: 88 minutes.

Here, but not

A car pulled up with "Class of '08" scrawled on the side.  Immediately I started doing the math and discovered it had been twelve years since I was out of high school.  And then I realized that was college, and had to tack on four more years.  Sixteen years?  For whatever masochistic reason, I sought an example of something that wasn't around when I was still in high school.  I could have gone with the cell phone in my pocket, or the bald spot on my head, but I went with the purple Dodge Neon serving as the canvas for the graduation announcement.  

Sixteen years ago the Neon hadn't even been conceived.  When I was in school this car's raw material hadn't even been mined.  It was petroleum and ore underground, some piece of iron full of untapped potential.  What a disappointment to end up a Dodge Neon. 

Well, the plastics gig is going well.  I thought I was going to run the saw today but luckily, Sam, the best damn fabricator in town, took over and did some pretty fancy work.  I think he's seen me get too comfortable and sand or melt or cut things all the same size and shape even though the directions call for a wide variety.  Once I get into my groove I become a machine.   Not a very good one, but I'm fast.

However, he did surprise me with the forklift.  I'm all for learning how to operate it but he had me, for the first time ever, unload a truck with three other guys watching.  I tried like hell to look like I knew what I was doing.   Then I stalled it. 

I was able to do what I call "middle-aged man mumbling" which is unintelligible mutterings that you hope will create a facade of error other than you're own.   Try this at work, "I don't know why this son of a bitch and I tell them to fix it," while mumbling and shaking your head in disbelief. 

It didn't work for me, but it was less a problem than yesterday's consternation.  After filling up his mid-size Chevy tank and seeing the bill tally well over 100 bucks, the boss requested I slow it down and go easy on the gas.  Yesterday I did just that.  I annoyed the hell out of others on the Interstate whilst congratulating myself on my patience and conservation.  I couldn't wait to get back and divulge my money-saving moderation.

And then, I noticed the speedometer.

It stuck that way.